I think I died a long time ago.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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