He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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