I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
