...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish I only lived at night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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