she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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