I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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