Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
