My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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