We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You ate ashes out of my bong
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