Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
