I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
