you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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