you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
