Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Text me some of your sweat
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
