Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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