evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I smell like Dick and happiness
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