The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
