the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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