im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
