She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
