So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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