This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
