FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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