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we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
