You're completely useless in the revolution.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When are your genitals available?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
