Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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