Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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