dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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