Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
