Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
