so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
