This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
