I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
