Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you win again, gameday.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
