it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
