So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
