I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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