oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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