i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
