I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
