just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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