I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
