Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
