You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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