Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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