Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
