Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
