just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
