1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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