I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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