this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
