i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
