I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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