So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
