I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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