You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
