The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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