Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.

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(305): View more from Florida

Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:

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(224): View more from Illinois

finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..

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(714): View more from California

He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"

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(518): View more from New York

Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Drunk twilight is the only twilight

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