He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
