hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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