I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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