peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
