Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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