2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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