the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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