He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
