I faked an abortion last night.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
