8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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