My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
