Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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