I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
