i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
